Does anybody want my cat? Oh wait, she's been cut into many tiny pieces and scattered about the forest for the wolves to feast upon.
So this is how it went down. We're having company tonight. We really want them to think we're cool since all my friends are up and moving away on us and we're having to restock. (The wife, we'll call her Ami, responded to my invite with the following sentence: "Sweet sassy, we are always open for dinner." You can understand my desire to be her friend as well as my need to be extremely cool.) Striving to impress, I set up a borrowed pack-n-play for their little girl to sleep in. Moments ago I went in to check the sheet for lint and pet hair and what should I discover but that THE CAT HAD DONE HER DISGUSTING LIQUIDY CAT BUSINESS IN THE PACK-N-PLAY. (Erin, if you're reading this, please rest assured that I will be replacing the urine-soaked mattress you so kindly lent me.)
Ok, I must now share the following e-mail exchange with Ami as it entertains me (and there's nothing I value more highly than being entertained).
Me: I've just discovered that my evil, evil cat went and
pee-peed in the pack-n-play we had set up.
P.S. You want an cat?
Me Again: I meant, do you want A cat (but an cat is pretty
funny too).
Ami: No problem…we can bring our own…bummer about the
cat, but no we don’t want a or an cat…maybe that is what
happened at your neighbor’s house and the cat ended up
as a spine…
So, if you're feeling sorry for me (as well you should) and you'd like to up my chances of having a friend, please type nice things about me and send them to amicrazylegs@yahoo.com.
One more thing before I leave you ... I thank you all for your advice and encouragement on the whole brownie issue as it is one close to my heart. But get this - I took your advice and baked myself some decadent chocolatiness, rushed to wash the dishes and otherwise dispose of the evidence, then skillfully hid the treats in a cabinet containing cooking utensils that I knew Phil would never happen upon. Then last night I came downstairs after putting Andrew to sleep and found Phil rinsing out the blender as he had just finished his milkshake. Then this morning he confesses to eating 2 (TWO) Chick-Fil-A biscuits for breakfast at the office. He'll be a long while in purgatory, that one.
5 comments:
OK, first of all, I'm not 100% in love with your tone right now.
Secondly, the milkshake was a BANANA and STRAWBERRY shake with SOY MILK and only about half a cup of ice cream. It was practically health food.
And I don't know where you got that picture, but I'm betting it's a photoshop job.
So glad you are using the knife I gave you for Christmas in a meaningful and productive way. I was afraid you might just waste it on things like slicing tomatoes or dicing onions.
Feline Mignon for supper, anyone?
You know, "Ami" is a really good friend of mine, and she tried to leave Atlanta, and was successful for a time, but the gravitational pull of the city was too strong and she was eventually sucked back in...and she's never allowed to leave again, never ever, ever! Don't even think about it, "Ami!"
And she is cool. She's been to at least 40 countries, I think, maybe more. The word 'dude' is permanently a part of my vocabulary because of her, and she can work it into almost any sentence. She's fun and she loves God. Trust me, you do want to be her friend.
So, I can't believe you actually took a pic holding a knife to your cat. I must say I don't feel the slightest bit of remorse for putting my Neuroticat, Oliver, outside-he would have done that and worse! I was annoyed enough at my cat Buttons for sleeping in the stroller in the garage.
I just tossed my cat outside because he peed on the NEW pack n play for our baby that is due in October. I guess I have to toss it out and buy a new one But I have learned this one lesson.... A cat will NEVER step foot back in this house again!
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